The White Lotus: The Truth About Human Suffering

The White Lotus wrapped up last week—and we’re still reeling. Set among the Buddhist temples and lush, humid jungles of Koh Samui, Thailand, Season 3 returns to the luxury resort where the rich come to escape – but are instead faced with the very thing they try so hard to avoid: their own internal struggles.

Mike White’s anthology is a blend of absurdity, discomfort, and raw social commentary creating a profound exploration of identity, spirituality, the search for meaning, and most of all, human suffering.

Suffering – The Human Condition

At the heart of The White Lotus Season 3 is the Buddhist concept of dukkha – the idea that suffering is an inevitable part of the human experience. Life is full of fleeting moments. We satisfy hunger only to feel it again. We bask in joy, only to later meet sadness, anger, or grief. Pleasure and pain are two sides of the same coin, and we’re constantly oscillating between them as we live our lives. From faint annoyances like stubbing your toe, to the agony of losing a loved one, pain is something we all experience. The series leans into this truth, offering a dark satirical lens on how human beings suffer and the messy and misguided ways we try to cope.

Modern psychological research echoes this Buddhist philosophy. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we learn that pain is not the necessarily problem, it’s our attempts to avoid or control it that deepen our suffering.

The more we cling to comfort, chase happiness, or resist uncertainty, the worse things become.

Wellbeing doesn’t come from eliminating discomfort – this isn’t possible after all – it comes from learning to sit with it and experience it. From choosing a life guided by values, not fear. From taking meaningful action, even when things feel hard.

Without mud, the lotus cannot bloom. We must experience the messiness and muddiness in order to experience the beauty.

Throughout the season, tension simmers as each of the characters are confronted by their own flavour of suffering. And as they flail, avoid, or self-destruct, the show invites us to ask: what would it look like to face our pain, instead of running from it?

Avoiding Suffering

When life gets too overwhelming – humans often use avoidance as a coping mechanism. While this can feel relieving in the short-term, in the long time putting our head in the sand doesn’t make the problem go away, it just prolongs our suffering. In The White Lotus, we see many characters attempting to avoid their problems rather than face them.

From Victoria Ratliff (Parker Posey)—a lorazepam-addicted Southern mother who numbs herself with sleep, alcohol, and pills—to Timothy Ratliff (Jason Isaacs), a wealthy father clinging to power and status as his world unravels, The White Lotus lays bare the desperate ways people avoid reality. Timothy insists he doesn’t “do drugs,” yet forgets his values and turns to substances to dull his pain when it becomes too much. As his legal troubles mount and his grip on control slips, he withdraws from his family and spirals inward, seeking relief in all the wrong places.

Trying to Fix our Suffering

Chelsea (Aimee Lou Wood) is the ever-hopeful fixer—relentlessly optimistic, pouring her heart into healing her emotionally unavailable partner, Rick (Walton Goggins). Beneath her sunny exterior lies a deep fear of abandonment and a longing for certainty. While she initially tries to fix their relationship and soothe Rick’s pain, over time we see moments of quiet surrender—where she stops pushing and simply accepts Rick for who he is, flaws and all. It’s in these moments that their connection feels most genuine.

Rick, brooding and guarded, is haunted by the trauma of his father’s murder. He clings to the belief that avenging this loss will end his suffering. But his fixation on rewriting the past through revenge only deepens his pain.

Through Chelsea and Rick, we see the tension between control and acceptance. The more they resist what is, the more they suffer. But when they allow space for vulnerability—when Chelsea softens her grip, and Rick lets down his guard—we glimpse what healing could look like.

Denying Suffering

The trio of friends – Kate (Leslie Bibb), Laurie (Carrie Coon), and Jaclyn (Michelle Monaghan) – cope with their suffering through a familiar modern strategy: toxic positivity.

Each woman clings to the narrative that her life is “perfect,” trying to convince both herself and the group that everything is going well (and not acknowledging the hard parts or challenges). But beneath the smiles and gratitude, the cracks begin to be revealed. Slowly, jealousy, insecurity, comparison, and anger begin to surface, revealing how the polished facade often masks deep dissatisfaction and self-doubt.

It’s only when Laurie opens up honestly and vulnerably that we see things shift. The friends soften, and lean in, touched by her openness. Her honesty invites genuine connection and authentic relationships. In her monologue—one of the season’s most powerful moments—Laurie admits: “I’ve been pretending for so long. That I’m happy. That I’m grateful. But I’m tired of pretending.” She confesses to feeling unseen, to the ache of invisibility that many women carry silently. Her voice cracks as she says, “I miss who I used to be,” breaking the illusion of perfection and creating space for real empathy.

When we deny our pain, we feel alone. If we can be brave enough to share it, we see that suffering is something everyone has experienced, and we can create space for vulnerability, empathy, support, and intimacy.

Acknowledging and Accepting Suffering

Acceptance & mindfulness

In reviewing how characters from The White Lotus battle with their emotions, we see how this can make them 10 times worse. The more we try to control, resist, or avoid our experience, the more difficult and complicated it can become.

We often believe our thoughts and get hooked onto them, when in reality thoughts are just ideas that come and go. Some are rational, others irrational. Some are helpful, others not. Rather than wrestling with our thoughts and feelings, we can simply notice them. Observing without judgment. Letting them rise and fall like waves.

Mindfulness invites us to allow our feelings to be there without trying to change them. To witness our suffering, rather than avoid or fix it. To meet ourselves with openness and compassion, letting thoughts and emotions come and go. Jon Kabat-Zinn describes mindfulness as:

“The awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally.”

Research shows that mindfulness is a powerful way to support mental health and improve overall wellbeing. It helps us stay present, reduce reactivity, and move through life with greater ease and awareness.

Throughout White Lotus Season 3, characters like Chelsea and Rick spiral in their suffering because they try to control it or make it disappear. But we also catch glimpses of mindfulness in characters like Laurie—who, after her breakdown, begins to observe her pain with less judgment and more presence. It’s in these quiet moments of surrender that the possibility for growth and peace begin.

Connection & Vulnerability

When we isolate ourselves and withdraw, we suffer alone and our problems often feel heavier, more overwhelming, and more personal than they really are.

In contrast, connection and vulnerability help us navigate the storm and offer guidance and solace. When we open up and share our pain with trusted others, we allow ourselves to feel seen, supported, and understood. This can dramatically shift how we experience suffering.

Research consistently shows that isolation amplifies distress, while connection fuels healing – improving our mood, regulating our nervous system, and increasing resilience.

Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s one of our most powerful acts of courage that can lead to genuine closeness and healing. Reaching out, even just to say, “I’m struggling”, can open the doorway to connection and change.

This is echoed in the evolving dynamic between the trio of women. Once Laurie opens up and shares her truth, the friendship deepens, offering a rare moment of authentic connection. Vulnerability becomes the bridge between loneliness and belonging, showing how connection can help soften even the sharpest edges of suffering.

Approach Rather Than Avoid

When we’re stressed, we can fall into unhelpful behaviours like avoidance, distraction, and numbing our pain. When we hide, delay, escape, distract, numb and reject our realities instead of dealing with the hand we’re dealt, we can fight a losing battle and suffer even more. While avoidance can give temporary relief, it doesn’t solve problems, and often even makes them worse.

Choosing to approach our problems—rather than avoid them—is an act of courage. It means facing discomfort, asking for help, and working through what’s hard. But this is the path to real change, growth, and connection in the long run.

Timothy and Victoria’s storylines show how avoidance—whether through pills, alcohol, or denial—only fuels more disconnection and despair. But in the face of tragedy, they come to a powerful realisation: what matters most is each other. They choose to show up, together, saying, “Things are about to change, but we’ll get through it as a family, ‘cause we’re a strong family and nothing’s more important than family.”

Our Final Takeaway

Suffering is part of being human. How we relate to that suffering – how we approach it, share it, sit with it, can either deepen the pain or start to heal it.

The White Lotus Season 3 is a meditation on this truth. Through its messy, flawed, complex characters, it holds up a mirror to the ways we avoid, suppress, and try to fix our suffering. And in doing so, it invites us to consider a different path—one of presence, acceptance, and connection.

By acknowledging our suffering rather than running from it, we create the conditions for healing. Like the lotus, we bloom not despite the mud, but because of it.

Author: Esmy Fabry Knowledge and Translational Specialist at Be Well Co, Registered Psychologist