Navigating the fog

The impact of languishing on mums returning to work

In our last blog, we explored the tightrope working mums walk—balancing the demands of parenting with the pressure to succeed professionally. From time management struggles to the ever-present weight of mum guilt, we discussed the challenges many mothers face and offered tools to help navigate them. In this post, we’re diving deeper into how these pressures can lead to a state of languishing—and, most importantly, what you can do to begin moving through it. Taking care of yourself as a mum isn’t just a luxury; it’s essential – for you, your family, and society as a whole. These conversations matter, and so does the support we offer mums.

The silent companion: languishing

In the delicate balancing act between motherhood and career, many mothers encounter a silent companion: languishing. Brought to prominence by psychologist Corey Keyes, languishing refers to that grey area between flourishing and depression. You’re not clinically unwell, but you’re definitely not thriving either. It’s that feeling of running on autopilot—drained, flat, and disconnected from both joy and meaning. When people languish, they’re consistently stuck in neutral, getting through the day, and lacking vibrancy and purpose in their lives.

For mums, languishing might translate into feeling disconnected from both your professional achievements and the joys of motherhood, feeling tired and running on empty, and feeling isolated and disconnected. If you’re feeling like you’re going through the motions and not experiencing much joy, you’re probably experiencing languishing. While languishing sucks, the good news is that this exhausting and difficult phase of parenthood can and will pass – and there’s things you can do to get out of languishing and start feeling like yourself again.

How languishing can impact mums (and how to combat it)

Emotional drain
Motherhood can be emotionally depleting. Between the demands of work, home life, and parenting, there’s often not much left in the tank. Languishing compounds this exhaustion, making it hard to show up fully in any area of life. At work, you may feel disengaged and uninspired; at home, too tired to savour the little moments—like your baby’s giggle or a bedtime stories. On top of that, it can be really tough as a mum to admit you’re struggling, and mums often suffer in silence rather than speak up about their difficulties for fear of being labelled as a “bad” mother. Normalising emotional drain and difficulties can give mothers permission to accept their feelings and know they’re not alone.

Loneliness and strained relationships
Motherhood can be an incredibly isolating experience. Caring for a little one and sticking to a demanding routine often leaves little time or energy for socialising with friends. Parenting can also put a strain on romantic relationships—sleep deprivation and the pressure of new responsibilities can be a recipe for tension, short tempers, and conflict. The impact often extends into professional life as well. A mother may find herself pulling back from team activities or collaborative projects simply because she’s stretched too thin. This can affect career progression and lead to feelings of frustration, guilt, or a fear of being seen as less capable at work.

When relationships—at home or at work—feel strained, it can create a heavy emotional mix of guilt, shame, and a sense of being misunderstood or unsupported. That’s why clarity and open communication are so important. Speaking up about what you need as a family, and doing so with honesty rather than frustration, is essential for connection and resilience.

Monotony and the grind

The daily rhythm of parenting can be relentless. Feed, change, clean, soothe, repeat. With little time for rest or self-reflection, many mums feel like they’re living the same day on repeat. There’s rarely time for spontaneity or fun, and even basic self-care can feel out of reach. Over time, this repetitive cycle can feel suffocating. The lack of variety, stimulation, or freedom chips away at a sense of identity outside of being “mum.” While getting a break can feel impossible, those small, intentional moments of joy—whether it’s a short walk alone, a creative outlet, or just five minutes to breathe—can start to reintroduce a sense of agency and life beyond the grind.

Loss of confidence
Languishing can erode a mother’s self-belief and confidence. The feeling of not advancing or excelling in either motherhood or work can make us feel like we aren’t able or capable and can be the birthing ground for self-doubt. A lack of confidence can affect things like going back to work, as instead of feeling excited, we might feel intimated and ill-equipped, especially when paired with the physical and hormonal shifts associated with early motherhood. This can result in a loss of identity and insecurity about what is now versus what is now. Again, the need for self-compassion and acceptance, encouragement and self-respect are vital. This requires a team effort. And sleep!!!

Combating languishing: strategies for mums

Recognising languishing is the first step towards addressing it. Here are tailored strategies for mothers feeling this shift:

Mindful self-care
Self-Care Rituals: discussing with your people at work and home about how you need time to practise small, daily self-care activities, whether it’s a morning coffee alone or a brief evening walk, set boundaries and asking for time to recharge is essential.

• Mindfulness: Mindful practices like simple breathing exercises can anchor a mum in the present, reducing the fog of languishing. It doesn’t have to be an hour of meditation, it can be a simple 1 minute pause to notice your surroundings and emotions.

Building support networks

• Community and Connection: Engaging with other mums or support groups can provide a sense of community and shared experience, reducing isolation. Joining a group with other mums and having the opportunity to connect and talk about your experiences each week is an amazing way to connect and combat loneliness.
• Professional Support: Sometimes, speaking with a counsellor or therapist can offer coping mechanisms specifically tailored for the dual role of mother and employee. There are so many false images portraying perfect mothering. Stay cantered and trying not to get caught up in constructed and manipulated portrayals of how other seemingly much more successful women are handling it. Or you could just watch Motherland!  British and brilliant.

Workplace flexibility

• Transparent Communication: Being open with employers about the challenges can lead to more empathy and potentially flexible arrangements. Offer to trial new models and learn how to set boundaries that support your new life. The sooner the better. Remember, clarity is kind, and confusion leads to conflict so be clear and stick to your plan.
• Flexible Work Options: If possible, discussing flexible working hours or remote work options can ease the transition and provide a buffer against overwhelm.

Goal setting

• Small, Manageable Goals: Setting and achieving small goals in both work and home life can provide a sense of progress and control. You cannot have the perfect house/job/child/weight and relationship. Consciously decide what matters now, in 3 months, 6 months and a year. Pace it out. One step at a time.
• Acknowledging Achievements: Celebrating even the smallest victories can lift spirits and combat the stagnation associated with languishing. Share these accomplishments and take the time to feel the triumph of navigating a new reality with all of the imperfections and blessings.

Our takeaway

Languishing might not have the visibility of more acute mental health issues, but its impact on mothers, particularly those returning to work, is profound. By identifying this state, understanding its effects, and implementing strategies to combat it, mothers can navigate and come out of languishing more effectively. For society, recognising and addressing languishing in working mothers is crucial, not just for individual wellbeing but for creating a supportive environment where mothers can thrive, benefiting families, workplaces, and the broader community.

If parents felt more support, and less expectation to be what they were before, we would have a much more positive and inclusive approach to parenting. And with Australia’s birth rate plummeting, it’s time to stop waiting for change and communicating what is needed to make the balancing act between home and work for all parents not just possible, but enjoyable.

Authors: Amy Smith – Chief Transformation Officer at Be Well Co & Esme Fabry – Knowledge and Translational Specialist at Be Well Co, Registered Psychologist