Finding Balance During the Holiday Season

“Those who get angry when you set a boundary are the ones you need to set boundaries for.” – JS Wolfe

As the holiday season approaches, many of us are preparing for a busy time of year with lots of socialising and preparations for the weeks ahead. Holidays can bring a mixture of joy and stress, and the added expectations for happiness, festivity, and togetherness, can take a toll if you’re not in the holiday spirit or feeling not quite right. This blog explores how setting healthy boundaries can help us navigate the holiday season with balance and allow us to make choices to support our wellbeing.

While Holidays can be a special and connecting time, it isn’t easy for everyone. At a time of year which is expected to be happy and joyful we don’t often talk about some of the difficulties we face around the Holiday period and how this can affect our wellbeing. These may include:

• Difficult family dynamics and tensions

• Bereavement and missing loved ones

• Feelings of isolation and loneliness

• Financial pressure  

• Navigating separation and divorce

• Reflecting on the year passed

• The weight of expectations and time pressure

If you feel overwhelmed or finding it difficult during this time, know that you’re not alone. Being honest with yourself about what you need and finding ways to honour those needs can help you to maintain balance and wellbeing during the holiday season.

Boundaries: The Gift You Give Yourself

During the Holidays, it’s easy to fall into the pattern of doing too much for others, whether that be shopping, cooking, decorating, attending events, cleaning up or spending a lot of time with family. In the midst of all of this, it’s so important that we pause, reflect on our own needs, and communicate them to others to help us stay balanced and feel well. Setting boundaries helps protect our energy and allows us to approach the season in a way that feels manageable and empowering.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are the limits we set to identify and express how other people can behave towards us that make us feeling safe, respected, and secure. As Nedra Glover Tawwab explains in Set Boundaries, Find Peace: “Boundaries are our needs and expectations that make us safe and comfortable in our lives and relationships.”

• Think about what your problem is. For example, “I’m stressed with so many social obligations”.

• Think about what the solution is. Get clear on what you want by reflecting and checking in with yourself. A wonderful way to do that is be conscious with your values. For example, “I need some alone time as I know I need rest to act with kindness, and I really value being a kind daughter.”

• The boundary is telling the person the solution. For example, “I am really needing some space today so I will be having the morning to myself and will join you for the afternoon.”

How to Set Healthy Boundaries

Acknowledge your needs

• Spend time reflecting on what it is you want and need to feel emotionally, physically and mentally balanced this season

• Write down any potential stressors and think about how you could address them. For example, financial pressures, family conflicts or overcommitting to events.

• It takes courage and practice to establish boundaries, and while it might feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable at first, it’s a vital step toward healthier relationships.

• Tell others your boundaries with honesty and confidence

For example, “We are budgeting this year so we will be keeping gifts simple,” or “We are spending Christmas Eve at home this year to have some quiet time, but we would love to see you on Christmas day.”

Respect other people’s boundaries

• Your family members or friends may have boundaries that differ from your own. Try to acknowledge these boundaries with empathy and practice not taking them personally.

• We don’t have to like or understand other people’s boundaries, but we do need to respect and accept them.

Get support for your boundary setting

• If you’re concerned about how your boundaries will be received, discuss them with someone you trust beforehand and ask for their support if you need to.

Protect your energy and time

• Communicate your availability and schedule downtime to rest and recharge. This might mean saying no to some events or removing yourself from gatherings for a while if you need some space.

Managing pushback

• You may like to say something like, “I understand this isn’t what we usually do, but this year this is what works best for us.”

Remember –

• Boundaries that are communicated kindly and clearly are often met with respect.

• Family members have respected other people’s boundaries at some point in their lives, they can do it for you as well.

• Setting boundaries isn’t always easy and it can feel uncomfortable, particularly if you aren’t used to it.

• Be kind to yourself, particularly if you are faced with guilt or pushback and remember that boundaries are essential for yourself and healthy relationships.

Take aways

The holiday season can be a mixture of fun, excitement, joy and challenges. By setting clear boundaries, we recognise and communicate what works for us and what doesn’t, leading to more authenticity and comfort.

When we set limits with kindness and compassion, we give ourselves and others the opportunity to enjoy the season in a way that feels more genuine and less overwhelming. It’s okay to step back, say no, or choose rest and do what feels right for you. At the end of the day, we all deserve happy, and peaceful holiday and we all have the right to look after ourselves. Be Well Co wishes you a safe, and balanced holiday season.

“A boundary is a limit or edge that defines you as separate from others” (Katherine, 2010, p. 14).

• Listening to: Ten Percent Happier Podcast

• Reading: Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab

Favorite Quote:

“No” is a complete sentence. – Anne Lamott

Katherine, A. (2010). Boundaries: Where you end and I begin. Hazelden Publishing. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1568380305/

Mutz, M. (2016). Christmas and subjective well-being: A research note. Applied Research in Quality of Life, 11(4), 1341-1356.

Tawwab, N. G. (2021). Set boundaries, find peace: a guide to reclaiming yourself. [New York, New York], TarcherPerigee, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC.